Introspection

Words I should try to live by:

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion;
respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.

Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
even a stranger, when in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.

Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools
and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled
with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep
and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

(Often attributed to Tecumseh)

I understand this as a more eloquent reminder to live your life with no regrets, and grasp each day to its fullest. A simple idea in the grand scheme of things, yet more of a challenge in the day-to-day grind. 

Big news: I'm going to PA school! I will start this fall, and it is a big accomplishment to be accepted. I'm excited to move my healthcare career forward. I will miss the camaraderie of my current workplace, but look forward to new and different challenges. 

I believe I can better attain the way of life I desire in this new career path, while maintaining my commitment to service. As much as I enjoy my leisure and outdoor pursuits, I know that at my core, service is something I can't stray from. Perhaps this is why that passage sticks with me--"seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people."

Calls that stick with you

Dear Lewis-

You are often in my thoughts. One of those cliché patients that sit on a healthcare provider’s shoulder as a constant reminder of events past.

We always move quickly at my station, when a call comes in. There are a few things that make everyone snap-to a little quicker, and a child gunshot wound is one of those things. So please know, we came as fast as humanly possible.

Usually when guns are involved, we wait until the cops have cleared the area before we enter. This time, we came in on the cops’ heels, knowing it was you. I’m not saying this was a smart idea, or that I recommend it to others, but we wanted to give you the best chance possible.

It was so quiet when we got to your apartment, Lewis. Quiet like no apartment full of children should be. I wish I could have known you earlier–I definitely liked your superhero pajamas. You were a superhero that day, very brave.

I want you to know you had a great pre-hospital crew take care of you. My partner and the firefighter we brought with us are some of the best paramedics I know. The silence in your apartment followed us in the ambulance though, each of us pulling silently for you. We were quick, with our scene time. We were quick to help you breathe, to give you fluids, and then to give CPR. We were quick to the trauma center.

Unfortunately, some things are beyond our control. Some traumas damage the human body beyond our control.

My heart aches with sorrow that you’ve moved on, but I’m trying to fill that with warmth that you may be in a safer and happier place. Five years old is too young for the things you’ve experienced. May you find peace.